SO LONG SUMMER 2015, HERE'S TO FALL AND 2016! Despite failing to make the playoffs again, The Wobblies are still #1 in your heart and other places. 

 

 

 

WEEK 13: BREWERS LEARN VALUABLE LESSON: WHEN YOU THINK YOU HAVE 'TOO MUCH BEER' AND INVITE THE WOBBLIES TO PARTAKE, YOU ARE NOT ACQUAINTED WITH REVOLUTIONARY MATH. 

 

 

 

DATELINE: SOMETIME IN JULY: 

 

'MY FRIENDS CALL ME JOHN, BUT YOU CAN CALL ME 'JACK.'' THE WORM HAS TURNED, AS LAST WEEK'S PINK JERSEY RUNNER UP HAS HIT THE FIRST EVER WOBBLY HOME RUN, EARNING AN UNPRECEDENTED 'WHOREMASTER' IN A LOSS. CONGRATULATIONS, SHIRTLESS SLAVE, WHO WEARS #20 WHEN TEMPS DROP BELOW 50, THIS IS LIKE GETTING 'MS' TATTOOED ON YOUR FOREHEAD, YOU'RE A WOBBLY FOR LIFE. 

 

Above: Slave 20/T-Shirt/Shirtless Slave holds up a baseball we found in somene's lawn across Como Ave from Van Cleve Park. 

 

 

6/21:

'The nurse adjusted her garters as I breathed my first

The doctor grabbed my throat and yelled: 'God's Consolation Prize!' 

I belong to the Blank Generation, I can take it or leave it each time.'

 

BLANK SLAVE GOES 3-4, 2BB, 2B, 3B, JUST IN TIME FOR THE TOUR DE FRANCE, GETS THE FIRST 'WHOREMASTER' PINK JERSEY OF 2015: 

 

 

Above: Blank Slave shows off the first Pink Jersey of 2015, Whoremaster runner up, Slave 20, who has a jersey but chooses not to wear it and would play shirtless if 

we let him, had 4 RBI's, is pictured at left. 

 

 

6/14:

 

DON'T TELL US WE DON'T KNOW WHAT 'NAM WAS LIKE. WOBBLIES ISSUE 17 WALKS, THE RESULT WAS SOMEWHAT PREDICTABLE. 

 

 

 

 

The Wobblies attempted to debut their new de-facto eco-friendly  'Bullpen Buggy' (pictured above-- but where?) but were thwarted by Mean Ole Man Carter, who yelled at Slave 45 and told him to get off his lawn with that thing.  Slave 45 went home and cried his decent little American heart out.  Also the Wobblies lost due to a complete inability to throw strikes for whole innings at a time, also score runs. The Wobblies make outs when it counts-- with men on base!

 

 

7/27: WOBBLIES VS. GREYS, IT STARTED OUT PROMISING: 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2014: 

 

6/1: THE WOBBLIES ARE 

THE KRONSTADT MUTINY 

OF THE HEART, ONLY 

THIS ONE REFUSES TO 

BE SUPPRESSED, 

TROUNCE STATE 

CAPITALISTS 13-1. 

 

 

 

WOBBLIES INFECT VOYAGEURS 

WITH BABOON SYPHILIS, 

SYMPTOMS FAIL TO 

MATERIALIZE BY GAMETIME, 

WOBBLIES LOSE 9-5, NOW 

PLAY THE WAITING GAME. 

 

 

 

2013:

 

8/11: OUR DIRECTOR OF LATIN 

AMERICAN SCOUTING IS 

BETTER THAN YOUR 

DIRECTOR OF LATIN AMERICAN

SCOUTING, WOBBLIES 10, METS-

ROSEXUALS 8. 

Above: Slave 27, Director of Latin American 

Scouting hard at work. 

 

The streaking Wobblies won a franchise record 3rd straight, 

as Slave 7 returned from a several year long absence and

immediately doubled. Slave 27 got 

his second win as a Wobbly and first against his old team. Slave 1 went 3-3 and 

earned his first Lionheart Award after being accidentally 

poked in the eye on a high five by last week's 

Lionheart Award winner, Slave 24. Meanwhile, the Red 

Rickey Hendersons swiped another 15 bases. As the 

Wobblies like to say, 'You can't buy happiness, so steal it!' 

 

But enough about all that, you're only reading this because 

you want to see another streaker: 

 

 

8/4: HASSLED BY THE MAN OR

THROWN IN THE CAN,

STREAKING, UNREPENTANT

WOBBLIES VOW TO DO IT

AGAIN NEXT SUNDAY,

BRING DODGERS DOWN

TO THEIR LEVEL, 11-8. 

 

 

6/8: IN SURPRISING,

UNPRECEDENTED COMEBACK,

WOBBLIES DEFEAT RED SOX

AFTER RED SOX CAUGHT

IN FLAGRANTE DILECTO

WITH UNDER-AGE

TOWN BALLS-ER, WIN 1-0

TO ACHIEVE 2nd LONGEST

ACTIVE TCMABL

WINNING STREAK. 

 

6/2: 'FROM CRADLE TO

COFFIN-- IN BETWEEN

THERE'S JUST TOO

MUCH WALKING:'

WOBBLIES LOSE

WALKFEST TO RED

SOX, 10-5. 

 

 

SAVE DINKYTOWN or

WHAT'S BEHIND

YOUR POLITICAL

SYSTEM? GREEDY

REAL ESTATE

DEVELOPERS, DUH. 

 

 

The Wobblies are generally loath to support business,

but they do support the old, weird Minneapolis,

which faces yet another nail in its coffin. The

Opus Group, which has brought you a number

of sterile, soul-less 'filing cabinets for young

professionals' throughout the city is planning

another where the Book House, Podium and

House of Hanson have been since a time nearly

beyond memory. As per usual, your elected

officials have graciously bent over the table

for whomever can flash the long green and

so appear to be ready to approve the re-zoning

that will destroy the character of the neighborhood. 

 

The Wobblies were very happy to be moving

their home games to Van Cleve Park for 2013,

Dinkytown somehow suits us, but if this goes

through, Dinkytown will be on its way to being

no more. It probably won't help in the end, but

you might as well pretend you live in a democracy

for a moment and sign the petition here:

 http://savedinkytown.com/

 

If you're really motivated, why not go to one of the

hearings, let the tedious

Stalinists-without-the-fun-of-show-trials-and-the-Gulag

who are your elected officials know how much they

suck to even consider such a thing. 

 

IT'LL PROBABLY BE UGLY:

WOBBLIES SPRING OPENER:

SAT 4/27,

Dunning Field, 3pm vs.

St. Paul Senators

 

'What's behind the mask?' A: 'Sorry I ever asked.' 

 

2012: 

 

 

 

 

2011: 

 

 

 

9/18: THE UNDERGROUND MEN ARE SINGING!

NORTHEAST 9: 1, CUBS 0, NE 9 are TCMABL CHAMPS!

 

Congratulations on behalf of the Wobblies to the NE 9, it couldn't happen to a better group (except the Wobblies, of course), next time, don't complain so loudly when William Benbow pisses on your first base prior to the start of the season-- it's good luck. Benbow says 'you're welcome!'

 

7/10: SAME THING DAY AFTER DAY--TUBE--WORK--DINNER--WORK--TUBE--ARMCHAIR--TV--SLEEP--TUBE--WORK--HOW MUCH MORE CAN YOU TAKE?--ONE IN TEN GO MAD--ONE IN FIVE CRACKS UP. WOBBLIES LOSE AGAIN, 6-0

 

6/27: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, INDUSTRIAL WORKERS OF THE WORLD! JUNE 27, 1905.

 

 

'FOR THE UNION MAKES US STRONG!'

 

 

6/26: SAME THING DAY AFTER DAY--TUBE--WORK--DINNER--WORK--TUBE--ARMCHAIR--TV--SLEEP--TUBE--WORK--HOW MUCH MORE CAN YOU TAKE?--ONE IN TEN GO MAD--ONE IN FIVE CRACKS UP. WOBBLIES LOSE 10-1.

 

6/19: THOSE WHO MAKE REVOLUTIONS BY HALF ONLY DIG THEIR OWN GRAVES: VOYAGEURS 3, WOBBLIES 2. ANOTHER DOMINANT WOBBLY PITCHING PERFORMANCE WASTED.

 

6/12: DOWN WITH THE STALINIST CARCASS! DOWN WITH THE RECUPERATOR CELLS! PARASITES EKE OUT THREE HITS, SOMEHOW SCORE 8 RUNS, WOBBLIES LOSE 8-4. 

 

 

6/5: THE WOBBLIES WON'T BE HAPPY UNTIL THE LAST CAPITALIST IS HUNG IN THE GUTS OF THE LAST BUREACRAT, PLAY GREAT GAME, LOSE, CAN'T FIND CHARLIE POOLE OR BAND VERSION, BUT THE BAD LIVERS WILL ALWAYS SUFFICE:

 

http://ia600201.us.archive.org/21/items/badlivers1991-05-04/badlivers1991-05-04d1t09_vbr.mp3

 

 

5/22: WOBBLY VICTORY COMBINED WITH VEGETATIVE TORPOR OF DIVISION RIVALS CATAPULTS WOBBLIES INTO SOLE POSSESSION OF FIRST PLACE!!!

 

http://www.hometeamsonline.com/teams/default.asp?u=TCWOBBLIES&t=c&s=baseball&p=boxscore&gameID=1012601

 

 

5/22: MAKE WAY FOR ART-A-WHIRLING CHURLISH WOBBLIES! SEASON OPENER vs NE 9 @NE ATHLETIC FIELD, SUNDAY, 5PM!

 

After a sodden, cold, miserable spring, the Wobblies kick off their 2011 season this Sunday in front of bleary  eyed bike riding hipsters at the end of Art-a-Whirl, who will pause and ask themselves: 'Yes, but is it art?'

 

Below: The Wobblies prepare for their Art-a-Whirl themed opener in the only way they know how-- by spinning themselves around until they're dizzy!

 

 

4/16: WOBBLIES SWING INTO 2011 ACTION VERSUS SENATORS, NOON SATURDAY AT DUNNING STADIUM IN ST. PAUL!!!!

 

 

Come watch as the Wobblies show off their new 'fire dance' and hurl feces at spectators this Saturday!

 

4/2: EAST BEAUMONT HI-STEPPERS CHANGE NAME TO TC BASEBALL WOBBLIES

 

4/1: WOBBLIES CHANGE NAME TO EAST BEAUMONT HI-STEPPERS

 

SOLIDARITY IS A BEAUTIFUL THING:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2010:

 

12/14: 'NO CHEESEBURGER FOR YOU!' : WOBBLY HIDEAWAY DESTROYED BY FIRE.

 

Above: The Wobblies post-game hideout in happier times.

 

The Wobbly Inter-Nation is in mourning today at hearing that The Nook, where Slave 44 put the competitive eating circuit on notice and sparked a remarkable Wobbly run to an almost .500 season, where one former Wobbly was inspired to write his answer song to Webb Pierce's 'Backstreet Affair' (entitiled 'Sorry, Baby, It Really Was Just a Backstreet Affair'), and which has fed the Wobblies since their first ever practice-- has been totally destroyed by fire.

 

The cause of the fire is unknown, though rumors are spreading that the fire was set by one of the Wobblies long list of arch-enemies. These rumors gained significant traction around midday when Nook co-owner Ted Casper confirmed that new menus published last week inexplicably listed Chicken Salad Sandwich amidst a menu otherwise exclusively containing items immediately recognizable as 'food.'

 

For their part, the Wobblies have become refugees after the fire, and Slave 22 has become a ward of the court. With the abrupt discontinuation of Gluek's beer in midseason last summer, the accidental death by auto-erotic asphyxiation of the One We Call(ed) Biscuits in a busy San Antonio car wash,  the erasure of their 2009 season from the historical record, now the destruction of the beloved Nook and with it, the Wobblies primary food source, it is clear that culture, a whole way of life may be dying. 'It is not a case of globalization destroying their handcrafts or their children being being kidnapped to become exotic looking tongue-less eunuch slaves to the wealthy, which is all too common in this day and age,' said an anthropologist aligned with the group Cultural Survival 'but of someone or some-thing actively targeting the Wobblies for destruction.'

 

2010: 

8/31: SLAVE 32 WINS WOOD DIVISION BATTING TITLE, ANGRILY DEMANDS: 'WHAT THE HELL DO I HAVE TO DO TO LEAD THIS TEAM IN BATTING AVERAGE?' ALSO, OFFERS TO FIX BRAKES ON SLAVE 7's CAR-- FOR FREE!

 

 

 

 

 

8/29: "THAT BEEPING SOUND YOU HEAR IS THE WOBBLIES BACKING INTO THE PLAYOFFS"-- Slave 44.

 

 

WOBBLIES STRATEGY OF 'REVOLUTIONARY DEFEATISM' LEADS TO FIRST EARNED PLAYOFF BERTH EVER!!!, WOBBLIES 6, PARASITES 2.

 

8/22: AFTER ALL STAR GAME SNUB, SLAVE 32 NEARLY OUTHITS AN ENTIRE TEAM AS WOBBLIES LOSE TO BIZARRE TRAVELLING CULT OF CLOWN COSTUME FETISHISTS, OBJECTIONABLE,  OVERZEALOUS LITTLE GERBIL MAN 3-2. SLAVE 6 RETURNS TO PRE-SEASON FORM, ALLOWING 3 HITS IN 7IP.

 

 

Above: the gerbil-man rests contentedly in the knowledge that he caused another suffering in the interest of petty gain.

 

7/22: SOMETHING 'NOT QUITE RIGHT' WITH WOBBLIES HOME FIELD, GREEDY DEVELOPERS SUSPECTED.  WOBBLIES FALL TO 0-4 AT HOME, LOSE TO DODGERS 7-2.


Above: supposedly inanimate Dodgers greet the Wobblies.

7/19: OUT OF TOWN JASPER  SLAVE 7 MAKES CAMEO APPEARANCE, GOES 2-3 WITH 2R, WOBBLIES RETURN TO .500.

http://www.hometeamsonline.com/teams/default.asp?u=TCWOBBLIES&t=c&s=baseball&p=boxscore&gameID=760350


That's 3 wins now.

6/20: WOBBLIES NOW 2-2, RETURN TO .500 WEARING BEARSKINS AND NECKLACES OF COUGAR TEETH AFTER A WEEK IN THE WILDERNESS.


That's 2 wins now.


6/14: 'GOD SAVE HISTORY, GOD SAVE YOUR MAD PARADE': TCMABL ERASES HISTORICAL RECORD OF WOBBLIES 2009 SEASON: 


 
Above: Hardball Magazine has erased the record of the Wobblies existence. 

The powers that be have determined that the 2009 Wobblies did not in fact exist. Persons suspected of speaking of the erroneous, traitorous, outlawed and non-existent doctrine of 'wobbly-ism' have been disappearing, and it is rumored that if such persons existed, they have relocated to a communal farm somewhere near the Canadian border where they will be rehabilitated.

below: TCMABL Chairman and General Secretary Jon 'The Ladies Call me 'Steel'' Garbacz, after receiving a lifetime achievement award from the MABL Comintern. When asked for comment on the disappearance of the 2009 Wobblies responded: 'I do not comment on traitorous things that do not exist and never existed, I am here, like everyone else to enjoy a parade displaying the military and industrial might of the TCMABL': 



6/13: PARASITES CONTINUE TO GROW FAT OFF WORKERS SWEAT, TOIL, SQUALOR, MAIMED LIMBS AND SICKLY, MALNOURISHED CHILDREN:  SKEETERS 12, WOBBLIES 6.


Prior to Sunday's game: The Wobblies present Skeeters manager and noted hypnotist, Tom Genrich with the 'Connie' Award for Bravery, which passes each year to the winner of the previous season's Wobblies-Skeeters series.


6/6: WOBBLIES INVENT NEW HOLIDAY TO HONOR FRENCH OPEN: 'MERDE GRAS,' LAY SAID HOLIDAY ON FIELD, LOSE 14-6.

Don't speak French? Enjoy this video instead:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=008BPUdQ1XA


5/23: STREAKING WOBBLIES REMAIN UNDEFEATED,  ACCRUE FIRST WIN, SHARE OF FIRST PLACE AND FIRST DEATH THREAT OF THE SEASON, DEFEAT RED SOX 11-6.


'That's right, the Wobblies are undefeated and have been for almost 2 weeks. NOW, let ME tell YOU something ELSE...'

The 'Underthings,' called upon in the late innings sparked a 7 run onslaught in which the Wobblies (stacked like a Nookie Supreme cheeseburger), batting 16 came 3 batters shy of batting around.

When all is said and done, the Wobblies and Red Sox announced the beginning of real baseball in the TCMABL with the first crack of a wood bat.

5/16: WOBBLIES 'MOVE TO IMPOSE SOME SERIOUS TERM LIMITS'


'SECOND THAT MOTION-- WITH A VENGEANCE!,' DEFEAT SENATORS 13-5.


5/2: WOBBLIES ARE NORDEAST CHAMPS!



The Wobblies defeated co-Nordeast champs the Skeeters, and lost to co-Nordeast champs the NE 9 in the first annual Northeast Minneapolis Wood Bat Tournament en route to finishing 1-1 on the day.

GAME 1 (Wobblies 5 Skeeters 2): The Wobblies finally defeated their blood-sucking nemeses in the first game, holding a team that mercy-ruled the them twice in 2009 to zero baserunners through the first five innings. Slave 6, aka 'Quinine'  threw four perfect innings, striking out 2. Slave 11 relieved, throwing two perfect innings of his own in addition to one 'imperfect' inning in which he gave up two runs on three hits.

GAME 2 (NE9 6 Wobblies 5 (8 innings)):

Slave 45 was mostly very good, striking out 8 over 6 1/3rd  innings, allowing 5 hits. He was in line for the win until giving up a hit and a walk that proved to be the tying run. Slave 11, in his second relief outing of the day, gave up a run on a wild pitch and another on a fielder's choice after loading the bases on a HBP. He then gave up a leadoff double in the 8th, who eventually scored on a walk-off sacrifice fly. Wobbly bats petered out after losing Slaves 29 and 8 (aka Mr. XXX) to other commitments, striking out a whopping 6 times in their final 7 AB's.

Players from the Nordeast Champion Wobblies, Skeeters and NE 9 will receive their championship rings in a special ceremony prior to next year's tournament, which they will all wear proudly to let others know that they are champions of a recreational baseball league for men over 28 years of age related tournament. Skeeters pitcher Tom Genrich was heard to brag 'I'm gonna pick up some serious tail at the Holiday Inn bar in Coon Rapids when I start flashing that hardware.'


4/17: F*CKING CUBS!



The Wobblies are getting tired of this, and are considering investing in firearms . The Boo-Boos won both games of the season-opening double-header, winning the first 1-0 on an unearned run and 7-5 in the second. Slave 6 was dominant in the first game, and Slave 11 earned a 'negative save' holding the Cubs scoreless in relief. Unfortunately, the Wobblies were unable to score a single run to help in the effort. In game 2, Slave 45 gave up 4 runs in the first inning without giving up a hit. He then settled down, striking out 6 in five innings, but had dug too deep a hole (which he claimed was a 'bear pit') for the Wobblies to overcome. 



WINTER MEETINGSBLOCKBUSTER!!!!!

Wobblies Trade Federal League Batting Champion Bruce Petschen Jr. and The Most Patriotic Truck in America to Black Sox  for OF Tim Mitchell.


Above: 'Trader' Frank McNamara photographed through the window of his penthouse office, moments before pulling the trigger on a blockbuster deal with the Black Sox.

The Wobblies shored up their outfield and got more clean-cut yesterday at the same time they became less left-handed and less patriotic, trading  longhair Bruce Petschen Jr. and the Most Patriotic Truck in America to the Black Sox for outfielder Tim Mitchell. 'It seems like a lot to give up' said 'Trader' Frank McNamara, 'given the Wobblies unexplained  tendency to be the target of  'bolshy-bashers' and inquiries into 'un-American Activities,'  that truck gave us some security, but losing Slaves 1 and 7 this year, we really needed a good bat and defensive anchor for our outfield, which we got in Mr. Mitchell. What's more, as everyone knows, the Wobblies promote themselves as being 'clean cut and clean livin,'--perhaps having someone who is totally bald on the team will finally convince someone of that.' 

 

FEB 21: WOBBLIES, AT LEAST 6 OTHER TCMABL TEAMS TO BEAT ALUMINUM BATS INTO SPORKS, FRYING PANS, WHISKS, BOWLS AND OTHER HANDY KITCHEN UTENSILS FOR THE 2010 SEASON. 

The Wobblies are delighted at the official word that the TCMABL 28+ division will be splitting into wood and metal leagues beginning with the 2010 season. The Wobblies can't wait to play baseball as it was meant to be played, with wood bats, and thank the Cubs and NE9, who advocated forcefully for this change from the start, as well as the Red Sox, who saw the light in short order, plus the A's, Dodgers and Skeeters, without whom this never would have gotten off the ground. The Wobblies drink a hearty toast to the members of the new 28+ Wood Bat League!

 

 

FEBRUARY 20: WOBBLIES PREPARE TO  'GET BACK INTO TRAINING FOR THE '76 OLYMPICS'!

 

 

In Other News: 

 

TRADE RUMORS SWIRL, KICK UP DUST, IRRITATE ALLERGIES, SCATTER LOOSE PAPERS.

 

Wobbly-land is abuzz with rumors that a trade is in the works. First-year Assistant General Mis-Manager 'Trader' Frank McNamara (pictured below in his preferred work environment) has already scuttled the General Mis-Manager's efforts to acquire  the 'proven veteran' Willie Mays from the NY Mets, for whom Mays last played in the early 1970's. McNamara is keeping mum on the details, but it is believed that the Wobblies are on the verge of acquiring help for their depleted outfield. When reached for comment, the Wobbly General Mis-Manager replied 'it's all about 1976 for us right now, any moves we make have to keep that in mind. The Wobblies want their fans to know that we have a plan for 1976.'

Above: 'Trader' Frank McNamara hard at work.

 

2009:

AUGUST 30: WOBBLIES STRIP DOWN FOR FIRST PLAYOFF RUN EVER:


Above: The Wobblies will have to strip to the minimum for their first playoff game.

AUGUST 30: ROPE A DOPE!: WOBBLIES, SLAVE 37 ALLOW A's TO PUNCH SELVES OUT EARLY, EARN 4-1 SEASON RECORD AGAINST NON-PARASITE DIVISION RIVALS!


'Superman don't need no seatbelt:' Pitching with a broken big toe, Slave 37 earned his 5th victory on the season Sunday.

AUGUST 25: LET HIM IN ALREADY


AUGUST 23: PUT THIS ONE IN A BAG AND DUMP IT IN THE RIVER, SKEETERS 14, WOBBLIES 4.

http://www.hometeamsonline.com/teams/default.asp?u=TCMABL&t=c&s=baseball&gameID=539327&p=boxscore

AUGUST 16: INTERNATIONALE-ISTS TROUNCE NATIONALS-ISTS, SLAVE 37(20) DOMINATES AS WOBBLIES ROLL TO LARGEST REGULAR SEASON MARGIN OF VICTORY IN 2009!  WOBBLIES 6, NATIONALS 3.

Wobbly lumber awoke from its slumber, as the Wobblies pounded out 18 hits, and tripled their usual margin of victory, winning by a whopping 3 runs!

AUGUST 13: WOBBLY GENEROSITY TOWARD CUTE LITLE FOUNDLING PROVES MISGUIDED: BANDITS 11, WOBBLIES 3.


Above: 'Baby' Finster was not who he initially presented himself as to the Wobblies.

AUGUST 9: Wobblies/Bandits postponed due to bizarre behavior, paranoia.


TCMABL AND CITY CLUTCH THEMSELVES IN COLLECTIVE FEAR AS NEWS OF A ROGUE BASEBALL TEAM SPREADS!!!!!!
 

AUGUST 9, 2009: Harding H.S., St. Paul MN. Members of the TCMABL and the cities of Minneapolis and St. Paul are sleeping with the lights on and firearms loaded tonight as word of a rogue baseball team (or teams) has caused collective panic.

�He said his team was supposed to play a game after us� said panic stricken member of the St. Paul Haze (pictured below) �I know what that means.� �So we lectured him firmly that we have a permit from the City of St. Paul Public Schools to use this field and locked the gate before he could get inside.� The informant, who would not give his or her name continued: �He said he was in something called a 28+ league, I never heard of such a thing, he said there were others coming, and I know what that means.�


(Above: A Panic-Stricken Informant)
 

Authorities describe the individual who approached the informant as �of slender build, approximately six feet in height, wearing a baseball jersey with some sort of cat on it.� The man is described as being at least 28 years of age, wears spectacles and has no visible tattoos or scars. He is rumored to be polite, well mannered and possibly a �bookish� fellow, probably a �nerd.� �He probably has a Brazilian girlfriend who lives in New York City� a porcine officer opined, �those types go in for that kind of thing.� 'I bet she's got what they call a 'Brazilian wax' too, I seen pictures in the magazines,' the sworn defender of civic virtue continued.

�I�ve seen him hanging around TCMABL league meetings� the informant noted �and I know what that means.� �He sometimes sits at the table with everyone else, disgusting to think he�s been stalking this league all this time, right there in broad daylight�he was obviously planning something like this for a very long time� the informant said.

One thing is certain, the so-called 28+ league has been stopped�for now. Authorities and members of the TCMABL are wondering, though, �for how long?� �I know what that means� interjected the informant.

8/2: GENERALS WEIGHED DOWN BY CONSTRICTIVE UNIFORMS, MEDALS, EXCESS OF GOLD ROPE, PITCHING OF SLAVE 37(20). WOBBLIES WIN 4-3.


Above: the constrictive attire preferred by militarists failed to impress Slave 37.

7/26: F�AR GORTHA!!! NEW, HIGHLY EVIL HUNGRY GRASS DEVOURS WOBBLIES ONE BY ONE

(above: the 'Highly Evil' F�ar Gortha)

http://www.hometeamsonline.com/teams/default.asp?u=TCWOBBLIES&t=c&s=baseball&p=boxscore&gameID=538275

7/26: WOBBLIES BEGIN LONGEST ROAD TRIP OF SEASON WITH ANOTHER TRIP TO MICHELLE BACHMANN TERRITORY:

(Above: The Wobblies set out to meet their foe in someplace called 'Blaine.')

IN OTHER NEWS: The Wobblies will say goodbye to 'The One We Call Biscuits'
on Sunday. He is a good friend, a drunken cuss, from Texxass, and will be missed when he goes back to be among his lesser-evolved Texxass bretheren. In the meantime, please enjoy the following video of the life dear Biscuits left behind, and to which he will soon return:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gcoJyvxlbCI&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Fvideo%2Egoogle%2Ecom%2Fvideosearch%3Fq%3D%2522texas%2520funeral%2522%26rls%3Dcom%2Emicrosoft%3Aen%2Dus%3AIE%2DSearchBox%26oe%3DUTF%2D8%26sourceid%3Die7%26client%3D%26r&feature=player_embedded

Yes, that's what Texxass is like, but it's what Biscuits likes, so we hope he enjoys it when his wife pees on the carpet and shoots his horse, we're all pulling for her, because, that's Texxass. And whiskey. And funerals.

*DID YOU KNOW? Though the video accurately portrays the social life and customs of every man, woman and child in Texxass, it contains one notable inaccuracy: there are no trees in Texxass! The entire surface of Texxass is covered with asphalt or parched, depleted soil, making it unsuitable for human habitation. The inhabitants sleep in shallow holes they nightly scratch out with their little claws, right next to their truucks.

7/19: RED SOX TO WOBBLIES: 'NOBODY PUTS BABY IN A CORNER!!!!'

WOBBLIES TO RED SOX: 'THAT'S OK, WE HAD SOMETHING ELSE IN MIND, ANYWAY:'



SUPPOSEDLY BAD TEAMS PLAY EXCELLENT GAME; WOBBLIES 5, RED SOX 3. Slave 20(37) Dominates in first healthy start of 2009!

7/12: WOBBLIES WEAR (PREDOMINANTLY) BLACK SOX, UTILIZE MIMESIS TO INVOKE THE TERROR OF PRE-HISTORY, DEFEAT BLACK SOX 9-8, AS THE ONE WE CALL BISCUITS GETS HIS BUNS IN THE BED FOR THE WINNING RUN.

After traveling through the perilous MN 6th Congressional District (view terrifying footage of the Wobblies effort to collect Michelle Bachmann's census data here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pQTVD1KA-Xo ), to a place 'where men have never known salt,' the Wobblies defeated (you could even say 'shocked the sox off' (you can say that, we won't)) the reigning division champions. Finally healthy, Wobbly pitchers combined to throw 6 no-hit innings (and 3 'hit innings' as a nod to the anniversary of Disco Demolition), while every member of the starting lineup reached base.


6/28: WOBBLY GRIT, DETERMINATION, STAMINA AND DOWNRIGHT GUMPTION ON STUNNING DISPLAY AS SLAVE 44 DOWNS TWO NOOKIE SUPREME DOUBLE CHEESEBURGERS (AND FRIES) TO WIN FREE T-SHIRT!!

(above left: Slave 44 anticipating another passed ball)

http://www.hometeamsonline.com/teams/default.asp?u=TCWOBBLIES&t=c&s=baseball&p=boxscore&gameID=538023

6/21: Wobblies lose to aspiring Enron book-keepers in the middle of nowhere, 'where no-one can hear you scream' NE9 5, Wobblies 3.

6/14: WOBBLIES NEARLY DEFEAT 2008 TORMENTORS, POUND OUT 18 HITS, EARN 7 BB's, REACH BASE 26 TIMES, SCORE ONLY 9 RUNS IN LOSS TO NATIONALS.

(above: Nationals team portrait following one of the Wobblies two 2008 mercy rule losses to the Nationals)

6/7: WOBBLIES ARE THE HEART IN A HEARTLESS WORLD: DEFEAT I BLEED DODGER BLUE-BLOODS ON SLAVE 22's WALK OFF 2-RBI SINGLE, DRINK WINE LOOTED FROM CELLAR WITH GREAT GUSTO!
http://www.hometeamsonline.com/teams/default.asp?u=TCWOBBLIES&t=c&s=baseball&gameID=537679&p=boxscore

The Wobblies would like to thank the Skeeters and Bandits for screwing up our mathematical lock on being able to brag of being 'in second place in our division.' Next time, remember: winning isn't everything, and there are gamblers out there willing to make it even less painful for you. That's why they call it 'fixing' games-- someone has to lose, and they 'fix' the pain you feel at losing.

5/31: THE WOBBLIES BEGIN THEIR SECOND SEASON FEELING CONFIDENT IN A PLAYOFF BERTH. UNDEFEATED WOBBLIES TO TAKE ON UNDEFEATED VOYAGEURS @CONCORDIA UNIVERSITY, 5pm.

5/17: TCMABL RULE CHANGE FINALIZED, ALLOWING ALL 28+ TEAMS TO MAKE THE PLAYOFFS.

5/21: WOBBLIES EMBARRASS CHARGERS IN FRONT OF CHARGERS HOME FAN. Another Skeleton Crew of Wobblies were handing out ass whoopin's and lollipops today, but ran out of lollipops around game time, 15-5.

5/9 WOBBLIES LOSE TO PADRES, GIVE UP 11 UNEARNED RUNS IN ONE INNING TO TURN PITCHER'S DUEL INTO FIASCO. The Wobblies will have to 'wait til next year' to get that gift certificate with which to purchase patio furniture and Toro mower.
5/10: RAG-TAG BAND OF WOBBLIES DEFEAT GENERALS. We only had 9 players, so by how much is a matter of debate, as William Benbow has not yet learned how to keep the book. He does sit on command, though.

WOBBLIES DEFEAT TWINS TO EARN BERTH IN St. PAUL WOOD BAT CLASSIC CHAMPIONSHIP! (hon) Slave 37 struck out 11, allowing just two hits en route to a complete game 4-3 victory. Nouveau Slave 29 got the game winning RBI after Slave 22 used up the opposing pitcher, earning a walk in a very long at-bat that would become the winning run.


BREAKING NEWS: WOBBLIES DEFEAT PIRANHAS, EARN WALK-OFF, COME FROM BEHIND WIN VS. DUCKS, DECLARE SELVES LORDS OF ALL AQUATIC AND SEMI-AQUATIC CREATURES, ADVANCE TO SEMIFINAL OF ST. PAUL WOOD BAT CLASSIC!
Slaves 45, 37 and 11 each threw complete games, giving up a total of 4 ER in the first three games of the tournament for a team ERA of 1.39.
The 'Underthings' and 'Overthings' combined to produce a 1-out rally in the bottom of the 7th to score 3 runs for the walkoff win.
In other news: Are you F*cking kidding me? Slave 7 earned the first ever John Kipkowski/John McEnroe Award for Sass on Saturday.
NEXT GAME: vs. Twins, Sat April 25th @Arkwright Field, 10AM.
APRIL 18-19: WOBBLIES TO PLAY TOURNAMENT IN ST. PAUL, SEEK TITLE OF 'IDOLS OF IDLE YOUTH.'

The Wobblies begin their second pre-history with inter-generational play in St. Paul. Come meet the red stars of the 2008 season, and the 'future red stars' subsequently added. Slave 22 will be on hand to kiss babies, autograph women's breasts, and in the spirit of Johnny Bench, tell wide eyed young autograph seekers 'get the hell away from me, kid, I've got a golf game to get to next Tuesday.'

ST. PAUL WOOD BAT CLASSIC RESULTS:
SAT April 18: GAME 1: vs Padres, L 1-3
SAT April 18: GAME 2: vs. Piranhas, W 2-1
SUN April 19: GAME 3: vs. Ducks, W 4-3

FEB 9: WOBBLIES OVERCOME HARDSHIP, BEFRIEND DRAGON, DEFEAT PIRANHAS TO EARN METRODOME SWEEP.

Slave 22 was on base 3 times without making contact with a baseball (with his bat, that is), earning his first ever game-tying RBI in the 7th, and his first Red Star of the Game Award. Un-numbered Slave nearly hit one over the baggie in the 3rd for a triple on the way to going 2-3. Others also did things, some good, some not good.

Slave 45 Pitched 6 innings of 4 hit baseball, and Slave 11 locked things down for the win.

FEB 5: WOBBLIES RIGHT AT HOME IN PUBLICLY OWNED, OPERATED FACILITY, DOWN PIRANHAS 14-8.

Wobbly pitchers allowed just four hits on the night/morning, the defense was solid enough, and the top of the order pounded out 11 hits on the night. Honorary Slave 37 Manny "El Topo" Moreno threw three no-hit innings, new pitcher Josh was solid in his return to baseball following an 11 year hiatus, and Slave 45 closed things out with a pair of strikeouts.

Slave 7 returned from having his hand surgically re-attached, going 3-4 and scoring 4 runs. Slaves 10 and 11 and 34 "The One We Call Krusty" had three RBI's apiece. Slave 3 found out the hard way that 408 feet is a very long way to hit a baseball, making a very loud out in the 1st. December 2008: Honorary Wobbly, Wobbly Hall of Famer, ex Major League Pitcher DOCK ELLIS HAS DIED.


It is with heavy heart that the Wobblies report the sad news of the passing of an original Wobbly Hall of Famer, Dock Ellis, sometimes known as the 'Muhammad Ali of Baseball.' Dock, like his fellow Wobbly HOF-er, Spaceman Lee spent a career outwitting opponents and speaking out against the injustices he saw, not only in baseball, but in American society at the time. He died poor and without health insurance. Like so many before baseball had a union, Dock was underpaid in his playing days before being used up and spit out by greedy owners. He will be missed. He also wore hair curlers to pregame workouts:




8/10: WOBBLIES VOW TO 'SHOW THEM BEAN EATERS HOW TO EAT SOME DAMN BEANS' JUST RESULTS IN WOBBLIES ENDING UP A MORBIDLY OBESE, MESSY CORPSE, RED SOX WIN 9-0.



8/3: WOBBLIES BAMBOOZLED BY HYPNO-PITCHER, CAN'T HIT, BUT FIND LONG LOST OBJECTS, BELIEVE SELVES TO BE BARNYARD ANIMALS, RECALL SATANIC RITUAL ABUSE AS CHILDREN.

PARASITES DOWN WORKERS AGAIN, 5-2, PAVE WAY FOR COUP BY LOUIS BONAPARTE.

above: Skeeters hypno-pitcher Tom Genrich on the mound during Sunday's game.



7/27: BUM FIGHT I: TRAMPS DEFEAT 'DEM BUMS' 10-9. WOBBLIES ISSUE ANGRY MISSIVE: NEW FANGLED LA-STYLE DODGERS SUPPOSED TO GO HOME FOR EYEBROW WAXES AFTER 7 INNINGS, NOT HANG AROUND UNTIL 9th INNING. BAD (LA) DODGERS!!!!

http://www.hometeamsonline.com/teams/default.asp?u=TCWOBBLIES&t=c&s=baseball&gameID=312539&p=boxscore

7/20: OUR THERAPIST UNCHARACTERISTICALLY TELLS US TO REPRESS WHAT HAPPENED ON THIS DATE.

http://www.hometeamsonline.com/teams/default.asp?u=TCWOBBLIES&t=c&s=baseball&gameID=312528&p=boxscore


7/14: SLAVE 7 UNDERGOES SURGERY TO REMOVE/PIN DOWN BONE FRAGMENTS, NOW LIVES IN CONSTANT FEAR THAT RUSH LIMBAUGH IS TRYING TO BREAK IN AND STEAL HIS PAIN MEDICATION.



7/14: HAPPY BASTILLE DAY-- NOW GO STORM SOMETHING!

7/13: SLAVE 7 GOES 2/3 WITH COMPLETE FRACTURES IN HIS RADIUS AND ULNA, HUMERUS UNHARMED, OUT FOR SEASON, CHANGES MONIKER FROM 'RED RICKEY HENDERSON' TO 'RED KEN GRIFFEY JR., CIRCA 1995.'

The Wobblies lost their sweet-swinging center-fielder and MVP today on a daring, diving catch that got away from him due to the fact that two of the bones in his glove arm were no longer connected to themselves. Rumors that he would have to be destroyed were premature, as doctors were able to set the bones on the second try, and Slave 7's arm will be immobilized in a 7 shape for the foreseeable future as the bones heal. Meanwhile, Slave 45 collected his second Fairview-University Emergency Room visitors pass in as many weeks, and Slave 32 collected his first of the season. Slave 7 is now resting uncomfortably at home.


7/13: IN FRANCE, THINGS WERE REALLY, REALLY BAD ON JULY 13th TOO, ONCE.

BLACK SOX FIND WOBBLIES LYING BY ROADSIDE, POKE WITH STICK, STEAL THEIR SHOES AND DRIVE OFF, 18-5.

http://www.hometeamsonline.com/teams/default.asp?u=TCWOBBLIES&t=c&s=baseball&gameID=312518&p=boxscore

7/7: POST ALL STAR GAME BREAKING NEWS: SLAVE 14, The One We Call Biscuits TAKEN TO FAIRVIEW UNIVERSITY HOSPITAL. WOBBLIES VOW WHAT THEY ARE DESCRIBING 'TOTAL VENGEANCE' UPON NEW FOUND FOE: CHICKEN SALAD SANDWICH.

above: Chicken Salad Sandwich, wanted for questioning in attempted poisoning of Slave 14.

Slave 14 was taken to Fairview University Hospital last night following his excellent performance in the All Star Game. He was released in the early hours of Monday morning after being treated for what doctors are calling 'an attempted poisoning.'

Police are unable to find a motive, and the act is being described as 'senseless' by all concerned parties. Doctors are baffled at how Chicken Salad Sandwich got into Slave 14's system, noting that in most instances of poisoning, the poison is disguised or hidden in something the poisonee might like to eat or drink, such as a steak, glass of wine or bottle of anti-freeze. 'Look at it' said one doctor, 'it's disgusting-- who would ever willingly eat such a thing? It just makes no sense, fortunately, we were able to diagnose his condition in time and expect him to make a full recovery. He's lucky to be alive right now, I'll tell you that much.'

Chicken Salad Sandwich, deemed 'unnatural' and 'an abomination' for much of recorded history, and therefore driven underground, has been increasingly brazen in recent years, particularly due to the protection offered by the dastardly Mayonaise Baron, Chester A. Hellman. Corrupt government officials in the pocket of Hellman repeatedly turn a blind eye, allowing Chicken Salad Sandwich to work more openly.

The Wobblies held a grill-side vigil for their comrade, lasting well into the night when everyone got tired and went home.

Confronted by reporters this morning with the suggestion that the poisoning might have been self inflicted and a desperate cry for help, Slave 45 retorted angrily: 'Nonsense, I have good players, good people, smart people on my team. To suggest that The One We Call Biscuits would do such a thing is a smear of the lowest order. No one in his or her right mind would EVER knowingly eat that crap, EVER. Biscuits is a fine man and a fine teammate, you are making suppositions about his mental state that you have no right to make.' He then waited approximately 15 minutes for his dog to finally meander inside before angrily slamming the door in the remaining reporters faces.

A film version of Biscuits ordeal, made and distributed by Slave 45 and entitled 'This Is Spinal Tap (With Never Before Seen Footage)' is expected to sell briskly, but is sure to generate controversy, with amazon.com and netflix users already lining up to be the first to title their review 'This is NOT Spinal Tap!!!!' "Maybe they're just not ready" remarks Slave 45, "The plain black packaging bearing only the title in gothic script is an indicator of just how real this film is. I'm sorry if they're disappointed or just don't understand what I was trying to do, but it's not an easy subject matter to do a film on. It was hard on me too, oh yeah, and on Biscuits. It was hard on him, and he's a great sport, especially for signing those consent and release forms. The film couldn't have been made without him in some ways."


7/6: CONGRATULATIONS TO OUR RED ALL - STARS, Slaves 11, 7 and 14, 'The One We Call Biscuits.' All hit very well today (and all with wood bats), but it was too hot to keep track of all the hits.


6/29 : WOBBLIES vs. ??????? 5pm @ Concordia.

Some other team doesn't want you to read what happened.

Retraction: In a previous posting, the Wobblies may have implied that it is possible to be a Nazi and not a scumbag, when in fact the statement was a grammatical redundancy. We would also like to apologize, related to the aforementioned redundancy for implying that all scumbags are Nazis. They are not, and we apologize to the scumbag community for this hurtful insinuation.





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6/22 WOBBLIES FRAG GENERALS!!!!! WIN 10-9 (http://www.hometeamsonline.com/teams/default.asp?u=TCWOBBLIES&t=c&s=baseball&p=boxscore&gameID=312498)

6/15 WOBBLIES vs. SKEETERS, PARASITES DOWN WORKERS @ Concordia University, L 5-8 (http://www.hometeamsonline.com/teams/default.asp?u=TCWOBBLIES&t=c&s=baseball&gameID=312487&p=boxscore)

6/8 vs. BLACK SOX @PRINCETON (L 11-12, 12 Innings) TCMABL's BEST DRESSED TEAMS SQUARE OFF NEAR NORTH POLE, WOBBLIES LOSE AFTER 4 1/2 HOURS OF PLAYING IN PRIMEVAL OOZE, BUT CLAIM TITLES OF BEST DRESSED, BEST BEHAVED. (http://www.hometeamsonline.com/teams/default.asp?u=TCWOBBLIES&t=c&s=baseball&gameID=312478&p=boxscore )

6/1 vs. Voyageurs @Concordia University L 10-13 (http://www.hometeamsonline.com/teams/default.asp?u=TCWOBBLIES&t=c&s=baseball&gameID=312467&p=boxscore)

5/18: FIRST HISTORICAL GAME: Internationale-ism vs. National-ism WOBBLIES vs. NATIONALS @Lighted Field, New Hope

OH MERCY!: IN EFFORT TO CEMENT UNDERDOG STATUS, WOBBLIES LOSE BADLY VIA LITTLE LEAGUE RULES, EXORCISE FIRST GAME DEMONS MUCH LIKE THAT PRIEST AT THE END OF THE EXORCIST EXORCISED HIS... (http://www.hometeamsonline.com/teams/default.asp?u=TCWOBBLIES&t=c&s=baseball&gameID=310707&p=boxscore) SPRING TRAINING GAME CAPSULES:

5/11: GENERALS NO MATCH FOR SPECIFICS OF HISTORICAL MATERIALISM, SLAVE 44-LESS WOBBLIES WIN ANYWAY. AS THE REDS ROCKET PUTS IT: WOBBLIES CAN'T HANG AROUND THEIR MAMAS 'CAUSE THEY SCARE 'EM. The Wobblies were triumphant today, showing spunk, vim, and possibly even vigor in a mammy-loving shortened outing at Basswood. 

BATS: Slave 4 reached base once, stole two bases, and scored a run in his Wobblies debut. Slave 7 had 3 RBIs, with a double and a single. Slave 11 was 1-1 with an RBI, a sacrifice and a run scored. Slave 14, whom we call 'Biscuits' was 1-2 with a run scored. Slave 3 was 1-1 with a walk and an RBI. Slave 45 had a 2-run single in the 5th, going 1-2, while Slave 19 walked, stole a base and scored a run. The big story of the day was the late-inning hitting of 'the under-things', Slaves 5 and 29, both of whom came up with clutch hits, the former hitting a 2 run double in the 6th, and the latter with a very loud single which turned into a run scored on Slave 7's opposite field double. 

FIELD: The Wobblies defense showed definite signs of solidifying today, turning 3 double plays after failiing to turn a single one prior to today. Slave 22 continues to make defensive tiger-leaps with each game, looking more like a tobacco-chewin, hooer chasin' vet'ran with each game, while his double play partners, Slaves 11, 16 and 3 caused the Generals to be blinded by their razzle and occasionally dazzle, which they strategically deploy with the intent of confusing the opponents, who anticipate only razzle. In the outfield, Slave 4 showed why he is not only the CF of the Wobblies future, but possibly the entire human race with a catch that made Ken Griffey Jr.'s surgically re-attached hamstring cringe with nostalgia for what once was, just missing another catch that no mortal should have been anywhere near. Behind the plate, Slave 14 was astoundingly good, allowing no stolen bases, and no passed balls in a performance that critics are calling 'much better than Cats.' 

PITCHING: Slave 1 threw 5 solid innings, giving up 5 runs, 3 earned, with a lot of bad luck thrown in between. Slave 7 threw 2/3 of an inning, giving up a run, and Slave 19 did the same. Given that neither had pitched before, the bat-missing ability of both was impressive, and bodes well for future appearances in late-inning 'lockdown' situations. Slave 45 pitched in 'mini-relief' of the aforementioned, throwing only to very tiny people, and keeping his pitch count proportionately economical, getting a 4 pitch strikeout and a 1 pitch groundout.

5/3: WOBBLIES, FACED WITH FIRST WIN, DECIDE TO DEFEAT SELVES, COLLATERAL DAMAGE CAUSES RED SOX TO WIN 6-4. The Wobblies dominated yet another team for all but the final inning today. Slave 45 gave up an unearned run through five innings, and another four unearned runs in the final frame. The Wobblies hit well throughout the game, took timely walks and had runners in scoring position each inning. Slave 44 again failed to make an out (2-3, BB, and reached on an error), Slaves 7 (1-3, 2B, reached on an error) and 14 continued their solid hitting, and were joined by Slaves 22, 16,19, 1 and even 45, all of whom had hits. Slave 29 had also had a clutch hit in the 6th, unfortunately, he was playing for the Red Sox, for whom he drove in two runs with that stroke. As with the previous loss to the Cubs, the wheels came off the defense in the final inning, as the Wobblies committed too many errors to count. Slave 45, feeling left out, decided to walk in the go ahead run, 'just for kicks' he said later. Due to their final inning woes, the Wobblies will be under the mistaken impression that baseball games are 10 innings long from here on out. 

4/27: CUBS GET INTO WOBBLIES TRASH CANS, STREW GARBAGE ALL OVER THE PLACE, SCURRY BACK INTO WOODS: April 27: The Wobblies lost today 9-8 on a walk-off sacrifice fly. There were tears, the pulling out of hair, the beating of heads with stones as the Wobblies were defeated in their first ever appearance on a field together. Highlights: BATTING: Slave 44 could not be kept off base, even when he magnanimously tried to grant an out to the opposition, going 2-3, with an opposite field double, reaching base six times (once on an error) with three walks. Slave 7 went 2-5 with a long double Unnumbered Slave (who we'll call 'Joe') went 2-4, walked, scored two runs, and had 6 stolen bases. You heard that right: A single or walk is as good as a triple in this case. FIELDING : Slave 11 showed why he and no other is the starting shortstop, making a number of dazzling plays, which caused the opposing manager to begin fiddling with the white handkerchief in his pocket on a number of occasions. Slave 22 made a number of nice catches against the dugout at 1st base. He attempted to give the balls to lucky fans, but was thwarted by the umpire, who requested them back. Slave 7 looked like Slave 4 in center field with a number of diving run saving catches. Pitching: Bookkeeping is primitive, but the bare bones are as follows: Slaves 45 and 1`pitched well, allowing 3 and 6 runs respectively over 4 innings each. Slave 45b had a blown save, allowing two inherited runners to score, both of which, if there was any justice, should be charged to him. As fans are fond of saying, 'there is no justice, that's why we need the Wobblies.' NEXT GAME: 5/11 vs. Generals.